Captivating

Okay, so I am still a part of this book club, in case some of you have been wondering. I know I have not been the best with posting as of late, but I will try to be better. Part of it with Captivating is that I wanted to post on Ender's Game (I read it and loved it, Chris!) and never did. So, I know this is a bit late, but I wanted to just say that I really enjoyed Ender's Game.

Anyways, I am on to Captivating now. I have only read up to chapter 7, so if you have posted beyond chapter 6, I have not read your post yet. I think this has been an interesting read so far and I have resonated with a lot of things on an emotional level. I think this book primarily appeals to people more through emotions than logic and reasoning, which could be part of the reason you are struggling with how it is written, Sarah. The first three chapters were all right for me, but I felt that they were setting us up for the real message of the book. It was the next three chapters that got a little more emotional for me. Like Eden, I have definitely shed some tears on this book. I think anything that makes you examine your femininity is a hard thing for us to do, because it is a sensitive topic for most people. In some way, I think all women feel as if they do not measure up to what a woman should be. I really resonated with that woman Debbie in chapter 4 whose father had the affair and always felt like she had to be working on herself and improving herself. I think that's how I have felt for most of my life, like there is something wrong with me that I need to fix. To be honest, I think I still think that. That's why I exercise as much as I do and am constantly buying clothes and worry about what I eat and dye my hair and try to constantly improve myself at work. I always feel like I have to earn other's affections and that I can't do anything to mess it up or else I will lose people's love. And when I do make a mistake I get really hard on myself, even though I definitely don't hold anyone else to these standards. I definitely think there's a lot of truth in that we receive messages from our parents about who we are and what we are worth. I know I have always felt insecure about who I am and what I am worth, and struggle with feeling lonely and like people can't understand me at times. It was kind of eye opening that this book seems to think this is a common female problem, but I don't know that I think this is something every female struggles with. I do think that God has created male and females different, but I wonder with this book how much is society expectations of female and how much is how God has really made us as females. I mean, we all have some similar characteristics, but women are all so different as well. I mean, what Sarah was saying about feeling unfeminine because she never wondered if she's lovely.

I do think there is a lot of importance in examining our childhoods and don't think that is all just "pop psychology". I think our environment and how we grow up shapes a lot of our beliefs and philosophies on the world, and I think it is important to analyze this and see what is how we grow up and what is actually truth according to God's word. I mean, so many of the children I work with just come from really broken, unsupportive homes, and I wonder, do they have these problems because of genetic factors or because their parents are not parenting? I definitely agree that true healing cannot come from anywhere besides God and we need to turn to him for our needs. But this is hard for me to do a lot of times. I think I have basic trust issues with God. Sometimes I feel like he is not really there or he does not hear me when I pray. Or he hears but doesn't really care about what I want or wants to punish me because I don't deserve whatever it is I am wishing for.

Sorry if this is kind of convoluted, it is just the series of thoughts and impressions I have had while reading this book and may not be organized in the best manner. I will try to finish it up soon so I can read the other posts and post on the rest of it.