Chapters 7-9

Chapter 7 talks about something uniquely special to women.  The ability to really understand our relationship to God as bride.  It is very hard as a male to relate to this nature of our relationship.  Whether it is as the harlot Israel, as we all turn our back on our first love with our sin.  Or the beautiful woman that he pursues and prepares for himself or the glorious bride at the end of time.  It is one of the things that I envy women for is being able to understand that analogy better than us guys.

Chapter 8 talks about beauty.  Two things stuck out as being particularly true.  One was the whole idea of beauty being inviting and not demanding.  Stasi talks about how at one point John just was not around for their family enough and how she had to talk to him.  She said, "I told him that I couldn't do this family thing without him.  I told him that I needed him.  I asked for his help.  I didn't demand him to come through.  I didn't whine.  I expressed my need and invited his strength, his presence.  To my surprise, John told me that in my vulnerability to him, I had never been more feminine or more beautiful."  This is so true.  A couple of examples concerning Emily.  She can really struggle with being demanding or nagging.  I'm sure even you as friends have recognized this at times.  However, the times I'm most touched by her needs and wants for changes in me, whether it is losing weight, changing a bad habit or doing a chore, it is when she is vulnerable.  Rather than telling me to do something, or demanding something, she invites me to see how my ways hurt her.  Its a lot more risky, because I'm a selfish being and don't always respond as I ought.  Its a lot more hurtful to have me ignore her hurts, than to have me ignore her telling me to do something.  On the other hand, she is more beautiful, and persuasive, when she explains why for example she is afraid of my weight gain, and the worries it causes her, rather than nagging me to exercise or eat better.  

Another recent example is the e-mail she sent out to ya'll asking you to post and respond on this book with her.  Earlier I think she had kiddingly nagged ya'll about it a bit, as this is often unfortunately the way she will try to accomplish things.  However, then she wrote that e-mail where she was vulnerable.  She told you her hurts, her pain, and invited ya'll to help her through this time.  It was so much more risky, because the pain is even more if you were to ignore her request to help her with her hurts, as opposed to ignoring her nagging.  At the same time it was beautiful.  I told her after I read that e-mail how proud I was of her for being willing to risk it, to be open.  

Another point from this chapter that really stuck out was the idea of beauty from suffering.  Stasi discusses this topic with some words that close to home right now "Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering....and by refusing to numb their pain in the myriad ways available.  They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there...Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit.  we must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow.  It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged...God does not always resuce us out of a painful season.  You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it.  He is after something much more valuablethan our happiness.  Much more substantive than our health.  He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory.  And sometimes...it hurts. "  I like particularly the part about avoiding the urge to numbe the pain.  Early on in our current tragedy with Emily's mom, I told her there is only one thing I asked from her during this time (this was after she told me she was sorry for crying and being angry about it all).  I told her she could feel, think, whatever was true, but not to go cold.  Essentially, not to numb the pain.  The pain is what will get her ultimately through this to the other side, and she has been doing an amazing job of working her way slowly through this pain.  It is showing too, physically.  I have told her almost every day recently how beautiful she has looked, as she has looked stunning over the last few weeks.  Not haggard or worn, as might be expected in this situation, but absolutely radiant.  I have heart many, many similar comments made to her at church by people as well, about how she looks beautiful and amazing.  Emily seems to think it is because of her new haircut, but I personally think the beauty and the compliments have been greatly increased as she has been struggling to lean on God through this horrible situation.

Chapter 9, I thought there were a few good nuggets of truth here.  First was the concept of to arouse Adam, need him and believe in him.  That pretty much sums it up.  If I am needed it invites me to perform and the belief in me gives me the confidence to believe in myself.  Now, I'm not sure that always translates perfectly to every sexual encounter in marriage.  Really, it is a much bigger picture concept.  Need him and believe in him, and if he is a good man he will become more the good man that he is.  You will draw out his inner goodness and thus the relationship will deepen and grow and thus the sexual relationship will deepen and grow.  That's more how I look at it.  I also very much liked her section about the concept of our relationships with people of the opposite sex who are not "ours".  Here's a passage that John wrote, "In the same way, there are women in our fellowship who have offered to me many words of encouragement, many tender kindnesses.  They have spoken to me of how I have impacted their lives, touched their hearts, offered my strength on their behalf.  And that has brought a great encouragement and inspiration to me-even at times when I felt I was failing Stasi as a man...It was a kind of affirmation that said, 'You are a good man, a man of strength.  As a woman I am grateful'."  I have had so many women, many of them older women,  in the church tell me over the last couple of weeks how much they appreciated my updates and how I told the Church how they could best minister to us.  This has been a great encouragement to me, as at times I would worry about being too harsh, or too standoffish with things I said.  Their encouragement helped me to know that I was doing the right thing, and helped to stengthen me so that I could continue to care for Emily through this time.