Arousing Adam (Or whatever male you have)

I'm guessing I'm being looked at to speak to this chapter since I'm married...not sure if that's fair or not, but here are a few thoughts I've had.

First, as a wife I can say that I've witnessed "Adam's wound" as it played out in the life of my own husband. Even the best raised of little boys come from fallen parents and thus struggle with their identity, their masculinity and their role as the "Hero." I've had to watch my own husband struggle through several of these issues and while I hope that I have been supportive, I don't think I can take credit for "fixing" him in any way. Rather God has had to work in his life the way God has had to work in my life. Still, offering my support when he struggles is vitally important. Affirming him when he feels down is one of the best things I can do, be that an encouraging word, a listening ear, a back rub, a nice meal or yes girls, even sex.

At the same time I also need to point out how strongly this quote holds true, "You cannot take your Question to Adam. You cannot look to him for the validation of your soul." (pg 151) Believe me, it's true, I've tried. No matter how great my husband is at times he cannot fill that deepest longing in my soul. I can't even begin to list how many times I have looked to him to try and fill me up and meet my every need when I am hurting, angry, insecure etc. I then become more upset, angry and often lash out at him when he fails to be "perfect" and make everything the way I think it should be. His job is to love, encourage, complete me, but he isn't God and too often I turn him into a semi-god to try and meet all of my needs. Only God can do that, something that has become oh so apparent in this past month. There are a lot of things my husband does right, and many ways he's loved and supported me lately, but when it comes to the deep, painful achings of the heart, he is only human. Only God can meet us in those places.

I love that John and Stasi use the terms Emasculating, Desolate and Arousing Women. The conjure up such vivid images for me and also cut to the heart of the matter without getting caught up in physical descriptions. I know I want to be an arousing woman, and yet I know at times I play the part of the emasculating and desolate woman. Probably most women do at some point. Far too often I demand and try to push, shove, boss or manipulate my husband into what I want instead of simply trying to be alluring. I'm guessing he'll tell you which works best...

Finally, I think it is really important to reiterate what is written near the end of this chapter...

"Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit. Look at his track record with other women...does he have any close male friends--and what are they like as men? Can he hold down a job? Is he walking with God in a real and intimate way? Is he facing the wounds of his own life.....your heart is a treasure and we (I!!) want you to offer it only to a man who is worthy and ready to handle it well." (pg 164)

No man is perfect, no man demonstrates all these things all the time in a great way. But some men are trying harder than others and they are the ones that will keep trying and I wouldn't want anyone I love to settle for less than they can possibly have. You all deserve the best.